Every time change is in the air I remember how much I hate change. Sameness lulls me into thinking that somehow I’ve finally gotten past it, but then something different creeps in, and I’ve got knees made of Jello, a queasy stomach, and nights haunted with episodes of insomnia.
Change. Just change. Nothing particularly negative or unexpected.
The latest one is looming in just two short weeks. And it’s a good thing…supposedly. We’ve had it planned for 40 plus years, for crying out loud. David, my husband of almost 47 years, is retiring.
Let me just jump to the end of this thing right now. The truth is it will be fine…terrific, even. We are good friends, we share quite a few common interests, we agree unhesitatingly on the important things, and we have helped each other grow into people who are better because of our being together. He has nudged me into taking a few more risks in life, and I have smoothed away some of his prickly condescension. I now speak out a bit more and he a bit less. We make each other laugh, but not for the same reasons.
That being said I suppose it’s just the actual transition time that has me spooked. In childbirth I learned that the transition period is the most intense and difficult part and, thankfully, is usually relatively short. Once the transition passes, and the new normal takes up residence, all is right with the world. Will this metaphor apply to retirement? That sounds promising.
A couple of weeks ago we made our first run at all of the paperwork surrounding his approaching end-of-work date. Decisions were everywhere…decisions that we have never had to make in the past and probably will never have to make again. Lump sum or pension?? Reduced amount and a portion for the beneficiary or full amount and zippo to anyone when he passes?? If choosing a portion for a beneficiary…what is that portion?? Retroactive payments due to delayed retirement?? How many years of life make each choice most reasonable?? Spousal social security…what??
And don’t even get me started on Medicare!!
We’ll make it. I know we will. We’ve done it before and will do it again. Without exception the changes we’ve weathered have made us better and stronger.
- Marriage…
- Children…
- New jobs…
- Job loss…
- Unemployment…
- Loss of a child…
- Moving to a new state…
- Loss of a parent…
- Loss of a sibling…
- Divorce in the family…
- Miscarriage…
- Health crisis…
- Financial crisis…
- Seeing your children and grandchildren experience some of the above…
So…the logical conclusion is that “retirement” is just another of those things that is going to make us better and stronger. I’m not sure how long this “transition” time will last, but the new normal will arrive. And that new normal will become comfortable until the next big thing.
Deep cleansing breath…in through the nose…out through the mouth…and….relax.
As usual, your post is so well written and thought provoking.